A normal-looking elbow.

For the first time in close to a year, I have a fairly normal-looking left elbow.

Yesterday, in my boredom at work, after our server went down again, I peeled off the tape strips across my scar which were put on after the stitches were taken out, as some sort of backup I guess.

I got my first look at my unadorned , "new" left elbow. No pointy plate, no strange ridge along my ulna, no stitches, no tape, nothing.

Now, it's just me and my long pink scar, which over time, might fade entirely.

A normal-looking elbow.

I've never really considered myself all that vain but soon after the second surgery, I did have some struggles with the thought of having a freaky looking left arm. At that point in time, it was still swollen up, pointy and misshapen and with the stitches still in, fairly Frankenstein-esque. It took a couple months for me to really see what it was going to look like with the plate.

After I got used to the idea that it was just going to look funny, I didn't care so much anymore; I just wanted to get it working as much as possible.

Still, there is a definite feeling of relief settling in with the visual relative normalcy of my arm again. And in looking a little deeper- I am always finding a deeper meaning in everything- I sense that there is something bigger going on besides vanity.

Having that plate taken out, having a "normal" looking elbow again, except for some scars, symbolizes an ending.

So often, throughout this process, I found myself thinking, "I just want my normal arm back..."

So there's something about it that feels like an old friend coming home. "Ah, there you are, my real left elbow- not some robotic-looking thing..."

My elbow hasn't resembled anything like this since the accident. It's always been in a splint or in a brace, in a machine, or pointy-looking with its plate.

So that's the end of that. Just me and my scar. As normal as it can possibly look. And after all it's been through, it's pretty amazing.

I'm told that my elbow might be an ongoing project for the rest of my life, learning how to work with it and its new limitations due to the trauma it endured. But there's something about having as much as my arm back as possible that feels really good. Having that plate out is like having a bit more of normalcy, a bit more familiarity, a bit more of Tamara back.

Sure, on one level, it's just a darn elbow. Big deal.

And yet again, there's incredible symbolism in it. It is a metaphor for my life.

A little bit more of me is back.